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The Raven's Song by ~AppleJuiceJadeDear:iconAppleJuiceJadeDear:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Spiritual > Open


The raven's kiss has pulled me under,
has burned my soul, torn my heart asunder

The raven's laugh has pulled me down,
lower than Hell, into the ground

The raven's soul is as black as mine,
burning as one, suffering through time

The raven's kiss, raven's laugh, raven's soul,
I payed my price and he took his tole

So say what you will and think what you might,
you look at my soul, see it's black as night

Well here's some advice you won't want to miss,
don't be seduced by a raven's kiss
©2006-2009 ~AppleJuiceJadeDear
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Submitted: April 24, 2006
File Size: 692 bytes
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Comments: 4
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Author's Comments

For this I had no clue what to put while submitting it, I'm not very savvy in the terminology of all that jazzy stuff-I just write and sometimes it rhymes-so I just picked the catagories I picked and the only one i'm certain about is 'poetry' The other ones are just cuz they kinda seemed to fit...to me anyway....okay well for the 'open' catagory, I had no clue...just read the poem!
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Comments


~iobieofshianna:iconiobieofshianna: Apr 24, 2006, 6:36:48 AM
Hmm. I generally don't like rhyming schemes (open poetry all the way!), but that's the only big turn-off with this piece.Also a couple of spelling errors (payed=paid) and awkward phrasing.

But! Really sweet imagery in this, and you should totally make this more of a story. I mean... not just this poem, but like write a...

Hey! Woah! Could I do it if I get inspiration? I'd credit you and all.

--
Then you begin to make it better...
~AppleJuiceJadeDear:iconAppleJuiceJadeDear: Apr 24, 2006, 2:25:21 PM
It actually is a story sort of put into a poem. The raven that the speaker warns against is the main character of the story, his name is Icarus-not the actual greek myth but that's where I got the name- and well the story's about him, right now though I'm working on the back story of his mother....anyway if you still wish to write something based on the poem go ahead.
And yeah, spelling is my big weak point...XP (...thank you, ted)
I've got other stuff that doesn't rhyme but most of my poems do, I should dig up some of my other stuff though.....
~vampiricecstasy:iconvampiricecstasy: Apr 24, 2006, 5:20:54 PM
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Heather got a comment besides me!!!!!!!!!! :hug: :hug:

--
"A pill a day keeps the asylum away..."

"Resist all phony expectations" Round Table Bathroom Stall

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read."

"Like a stone on the water, the elements decide my fate"
~AppleJuiceJadeDear:iconAppleJuiceJadeDear: Apr 24, 2006, 5:21:57 PM
very nice of you to comment on that, my friend
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